


Kazoos, Hairslaps, And Other Tricks from Peter And Shuri

by colorworld



Series: Usapho, Or Family [4]
Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Cold Water, Dad!Tony, F/M, Language, Like, Pepperony and their kids, Peter and SHuri tease steve to death, Peter and Shuri are best friends, Post Civil War, Steve is so done, hairslaps, lets just say endless pranks, like a year later, otherwise its g, rated teen only for language, these two are pranksters, these two have a spa morning, unicorn, wii theme music
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-05
Updated: 2019-04-05
Packaged: 2020-01-05 01:56:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,413
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18356237
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/colorworld/pseuds/colorworld
Summary: Steve and the rogues are back, not that Peter and Shuri are fond of the man who hurt their dad-figure the most is back in the compound, so they'll, well, trick him out of bothering their dad at any cost...Meaning, Steve Rogers is going to be pranked until the end of time from these two teenagers in various different ways.





	Kazoos, Hairslaps, And Other Tricks from Peter And Shuri

Peter Parker and Princess Shuri Udaku were, well, kinda defensive of their father figure. 

 

Okay, more than kinda. 

 

Steve Rogers and the rogues have been out of hiding and at the compound for two weeks now, Tony being forced to tolerate Steve the very most, and the two children could see every facial expression and what they said if the blond-haired bastard so much as breathed. It sounded dramatic to say, but everything Steve has done contributed to Tony’s nightmares and PTSD, Shuri remembering a night where Tony was in the kitchen alone and had admitted to her he saw Steve plunge the shield in his arc reactor, explaining why hee was out in the dark eating chocolate, recovering from his anxiety session. 

 

Peter, of course, has witnessed Captain America’s effects on Tony, as well, though a couple of times when Tony’s mind just drifts away as the news plays a Steve Rogers segment, Peter turning the tv off but the damage is already done. The young spiderling has seen the low of Tony Stark, and he has a bitter, harsh, disgust for Steve Rogers for it. 

 

It may have been two years, but Tony still isn’t over it, which he finds silly as he must shake Roger’s hand, his face now with a brunet beard and darkened thicker hair. Natasha’s hair was a short platinum blonde, but he sees it in an auburn red, once again, within three days, reminiscent of when she walked away from him with the claim he needs to watch his back. In a way, she was right, considering what was done to him in an icy Siberian bunker, but it still hurt the way she left. There was a sliver of hope for her, really, but just a sliver. Steve? No. 

 

It’s a simple Saturday morning, nothing much to be done. It’s eight a.m on a partly-cloudy morning with the sun beaming through a crack in the clouds, the well-manicured grass is quite green since Thor isn’t there to burn it to an Asgardian-patterned crisp. At least he didn’t almost kill him like Steve did. I mean, like, he did hold him in the air and choke him once, but Tony didn’t really care about that as much as anything Steve did two years ago. 

 

Peter was munching on some vegan bacon alternative Shuri came up with, who ate the bacon beside him with her hair in Leia buns. He noticed how Steve was going up to Tony, who was just trying to eat his chocolate waffles in peace that he made all by himself (with Pepper’s assistance, of course, in finding out a proper recipe). His father figure has been looking too healthy and happy, lately, too deal with this. He’s kept his hair and facial hair maintained, his face is without its dark under eyes or sullen horror. There’s a gorgeous Harry Winston engagement ring on Pepper’s porcelain finger, showing how great their relationship is coming along. His dad doesn’t deserve this. 

 

Steve swallows as Tony looks up from his plate beside his fiance. “I know it’s been two years, Tony, but I was wondering if-”

 

_ ZOO _

 

Steve blinked, trying to ignore the...kazoo sound, at least that’s what he thought it was. His face was slightly flushed as Tony’s eyes were shifting between him and the figure that was sure to be behind him to the side. “Um, I was wondering if-”

 

_ Zoo _

 

Another kazoo noise was from his other side came along. The kazoos repeated one at a time, one at a higher note than the other. 

 

_ ZOO _

 

_ Zoo _

 

_ ZOO _

 

_ Zoo _

 

_ ZOO _

 

_ Zoo _

 

“I’ll talk to you later,” Steve says before walking away, kazoo noises still going on. Tony was smirking at his two kids with pride with their differently-colored kazoos making noise, attracting Natasha’s attention from across the room who heard the whole thing, owning a neutral facial expression until she has the very slightest curve of the corner of her lip at the teenagers. Pepper just giggles beside him because these kids are so silly.

  
  


The captain tries again at the end of the day after many have trained and chilled. Shuri changed her hair to a high-ponytail, but with a thick and lengthy braid with a tiny braid interwoven into it with one of three strands. She was about to go to bed, but she and Peter had a tradition of eating ice cream every Saturday night simply because they could and they loved it. So there did Peter sit with a bowl of cookie dough ice cream and Shuri is beside him eating her cookies and cream flavored topped with gummy bears as his is, watching Queer Eye on Netflix. That is until Shuri’s eyes catch the Captain approaching Tony as he is contently alone after he finishes a conversation with Rhodey. 

 

“Hey…” Steve softly greets his old friend.

 

Tony’s eyes are squinted. “Hi?” He asks as if he means “what the heck are you doing talking to a ten, you’re a two.”

 

Shuri runs up to them. “Dr. Stark-”

 

That’s when Steve’s face is harshly and suddenly slapped by Shuri’s braid. 

 

And, oh boy, all human beings should see the expression on Steven Grant Rogers’s face. 

 

The Wakandan teen sweeps around, covering her mouth with her hands as she gasps and plummets into laughter. “I’m so sorry, Rog-Captain!” She has to correct herself, but it’s practically mocking him.

 

Steve’s face is sunburnt pink-red and nobody knows if it's Shuri’s harshly textured hair that packs a wallop in a patterned design such as a braid or fishtail or if its a natural blushing. “...It’s... fine, Shuri.”

 

“Your Highness,” She swiftly corrects, and Tony’s face immediately says “that’s my girl” with the pride of a loving dad. 

 

“Your Highness,” Steve accidentally rolls his eyes. “I’m going to bed. Goodnight everyone,” He announces as he walks off with almost a huff. 

 

Mission accomplished for the two teens…

 

For the night…

 

Okay, the next hour or so. 

  
  


Steve awakes the next morning groggy and still tired, even for the amount of energy a super-soldier should have. There’s a mission that the U.N reluctantly alerted them to, something about a nuclear plant in Russia, according to a report Friday says once he is conscious. 

 

The captain practically rolls out of bed like a lazy teenager and heads first-thing to his bathroom that’s decked-out to Stark’s liking as is every other bathroom considering this compound is custom-designed just as the tower was. 

 

When he turns the bright light on, Steve’s face has an unpleasant reaction to his hair, in particular. His jaw is dropped, as it should be. His eyes look into the mirror, but not even they are normally colored. 

 

“...My hair and eyes are pink.”

 

Peter and Shuri. 

 

What else did they get into? Steve has yet to find out as he goes to his closet and can’t find his normal suit-none of them! Not even the stupid suit from twenty-twelve! The only garments that lay in his closet are baby pink boxers and a neon pink version of his Captain America suit with Japanese cherry blossoms decorated across the suits chest. 

  
  


The two teenagers are cuddled together on the sofa with Tony beside Shuri and Pepper on his other side watching John Mulaney who they knew they were physically required to make their surrogate-or-second parents watch. However, it was sharply interrupted when Pepper’s eyes twitch just once and she exclaims, “OH!” in a high pitched voice. 

 

Every single person in the room has their own attention shift to Captain Steven Grant Rogers with salmon pink hair, a girly pink suit with matching boots, bright pink eyes, and a mad expression like a grumpy puppy. “Where the hell is my suit?”

 

“More like why the hell do you have  _ that _ suit?” Peter corrects judgmentally with a sense of snark. 

 

“We wouldn’t know, Rogers,” Shuri shrugs while Sam’s cackling starts to ring out and she hears Wanda sigh, “Oh, Steve.”

 

“But there’s a mission in three hours, I can’t go looking like this!” Steve nearly splutters. “Friday-”

 

“I don’t know the whereabouts of your suit, Captain Rogers, I’ve already looked,” The A.I innocently replies. 

 

“Friday, take a picture of this!” Tony starts laughing while his wife is just in shock with her hand over her mouth, whispering “Oh my god,” over and over. 

 

“Ah, Captain Rogers, you look beautiful!” Thor booms as he enters the room. 

 

Peter’s face is going tomato red, and Shuri’s would have as well if her skin didn’t have so much melanin. Containing laughter and tears derived from the laughter that is going to pit from both their vocal cords and their stomachs once they can.

 

It’s surprising that Tony hasn’t rolled off the sofa from his own chuckles and wheezing, at this point, because this is the hardest and loudest he’s laughed in a long while, Pepper noticing it, and everyone else who isn’t his close family look at him like he’s never laughed in his life. 

 

Steve’s breath just falls out slowly, deeply, and in agony. He doesn’t want to go out on a mission decked out in pink, but it seems he has no choice if he doesn’t find one of his suits-it doesn’t even have to be his regular one, it could be the “onesie” as Tony has always dubbed. He doesn’t know what to do except stomp off on a hunt for something that is not bright pink, along with maybe trying to wash out his hair and see if his pink eyes are just color contacts.

 

When Steve is far out of the room and can’t hear anything from the lounge room, Peter and Shuri burst out in cackles and wheezing, rolling off the sofa onto the floor, surprisingly not hitting their heads on the coffee table. Their bodies tumble back and forth as their response to humor echoes out everywhere. Tony’s laughter has been drowned out by the two so badly he’s stopped and just stares at his two children acting crazy on his soft gray shag rug like animals, reminding Pepper of weasels for no good reason. 

 

“That’s the best thing I’ve seen in forever,” Natasha announces from her place in the kitchen who was brewing herself a good cup of coffee when Steve made a very pink appearance. “He’s never gonna find his suit, is he?” She slowly shakes her head.

 

“Who knows?” Shuri lies through her teeth as soon as she can break through her fit. However, she snatches her tablet and pulls up an image, shoving it to Tony’s lap for him and Pepper to see. Tony just snorts and Pepper’s got a smirk on her face, hands now away from her mouth. “Who knows?” Tony copies Shuri when he looks over to the rest of the people in the room. 

 

Peter and Shuri’s plan goes completely correctly: Steve left donned in pink from head to toe on a mission to a nuclear plant in Russia with his normally-colored team. 

  
  


Two days after the mission, the Captain eventually finds his suits in an empty dumpster in the depths of the compound. 

 

Steve is peacefully asleep in his bed, one leg out of his duvet and the other inside, sleeping on his back with facial expression in complete content. 

 

Of, course, no good lasts forever. 

 

_ “ARE YOU READY KIDS?!” _

 

Steve’s eyes furiously pop open at,  _ “AYE AYE, CAPTAIN!”  _

 

_ “I CAN’T HEAR YOU!” _

 

_ “AYE AYE, CAPTAIN!” _

 

_ “OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWHO LIVED AS A CAPSICLE UNDER THE SEA?!” _

 

_ “CAPTAIN ROGERS!” _

 

Steve bursts up from his bed with a gasp of horror. It wasn’t even the regular Spongebob song he’s been introduced to. Is this...about him?

 

_ “SALUTING A HELLO AND KILLING NAZIS?!” _

 

_ “CAPTAIN ROGERS!” _

 

_ “IF PATRIOTISM BE SOMETHING YOU WISH!” _

 

As the next line goes on, Steve whispers “oh god, oh god, ohgodohgod,” to himself.

 

_ “THEN DROP ON THE DECK AND FLOP LIKE A FISH!” _

 

_ “CAPTAIN ROGERS! CAPTAIN ROGERS! CAPTAIIIIINNNN ROGERRRRRRRRSS!” _

 

And, of course, there were kazoo noises at the end.

 

Again.   
  


It was repeating again.

 

Steve groans in fury. “Friday, turn that off!”

 

“I’m sorry, Captain, I can’t!” Friday responds curtly.

 

Steve blinks. “What the fuck do you mean you can’t turn it off!”

 

_ “Language!”  _

 

Steve’s facial expression plummets to horror at the sound of Shuri’s voice, even while the theme song is still playing. “SHURI!” Steve screeches. 

 

The captain sighs, rushing out of bed in his boxers and tank top. “I’m going to beat the shit out of-”

 

_“Language!”_ Peter’s voice rings through. 

 

“YOU TOO, PETER!” Steve yells as he rushed out of his room, yanking sweatpants on. He doesn’t know what time it is and he doesn’t know if they’re awake or not because it could be a recording, but he was anger at this moment. 

 

“Captain Rogers, I’m afraid both Peter and Shuri’s rooms are locked and I cannot unlock them. Their shared lab with boss is locked out as well.”

 

“What?!” Steve squints his eyes. “Friday-” He tries.

 

“I can’t let you go down there, Captain, the rooms are locked and so is the lab!”

 

The captain sighs as he hears the faint noise from his bedroom. “I’m sleeping on the sofa,” He grumbles. 

  
  


 

Pots and pans. 

 

Fucking pots and pans. 

 

_ “WAKEY WAKEY WAKEY WAKEY WAKEY WAKEY!” _ He hears Shuri’s probably recorded voice on repeat with the cooking supply noises.

 

Steve groans as he skyrockets up from his uncomfortable sleeping position on the sofa. Tony, Natasha, and Pepper are cooking up breakfast while Sam plays a game of Mario Kart with Clint at the other tv area with a sofa in the corner. Peter and Shuri are not to be seen. 

 

Tony’s eyes are smug. “I honestly have no idea where that noise is coming from.”

 

With fury, Steve’s eyes are squinted at him. “Your kids are crazy!” He grunts as practically rolls off the sofa onto his knees.

 

Tony snorts and rolls his eyes. “Want some bacon for the pain, Captain?”

 

Steve just nods and pushes himself onto his bare feet, starting to walk over to the counter where his bacon was calling his name.

 

That is, of course, he slips on an actual fucking banana peel.

 

Steve yells as his body hits the floor, Pepper gasping as Tony and Natasha both go, “Ooh!” 

 

“I-I didn’t see the banana peel over the counter,” Pepper exclaims. “Who left a banana peel on the floor?!”

 

The blond captain grunts in pain, his back hurts like hell, but he can probably get back up in a minute or so. He’s jumped out of a building at a height where a normal person would’ve died. He’ll recover from a banana peel. 

 

Shuri yawns with her brother coming out with their arms wrapped around each other’s shoulders, clad in colorful, baggy tee-shirts and patterned pajama pants, but their faces appear fresh with matching clay face masks despite their “tired” way of entrance, slippers on their feet. “Morning, Rogers,” Peter yawns. “What happened to you-you look like you listened to Spongebob The Musical for five days straight.”

 

Steve stares at them as if they have just destroyed his motorcycle, or if they blew up a planet. His eyes were squinting and un-squinting. He doesn’t say a word. 

 

Shuri blinks. “Are you alright, Rogers?”

 

“...Perfect, your highness,” He seethes. 

 

Pepper looks at the two kids. “Aww, you’re so cute with your matching face masks! Are you using a face mask from Lush?”

 

“Ordered it offline a few days ago. They ship quickly,” Shuri smiles with bags of Lush products in both of her hands, along with Peter’s, even with their arms around each other. 

 

“We also ordered the Mamma Mia body scrub, the Herbalism facial cleanser, the Enzymion moisturizer, the Enchanted Eye Cream, the Tea Tree toner tabs, the Bubblegum lip scrub, the Whipstick lip balm, the Charity Pot donates to good causes and is an amazing body lotion, the Golden Handshake hot hand mask, the Helping Hands hand lotion, the Foot Soak and Fancy Free, the Volcano foot mask, the Pink Peppermint foot cream, the Fairly Traded Honey shampoo for Shuri, the Rehab shampoo for me, the Retread conditioner for both of us, the Hair Doctor hot oil treatment for Shuri, the Superbalm for me, then a selection of bath bombs and bath oils we can’t remember the names of,” Peter lists all at once as if he’s memorized the list for years, or as if he was saying the alphabet. 

 

“Nice,” Tony casually replies. 

 

“Indeed it is. We also got some nail care to do our nails,” Shuri adds. “We’ve had our baths and done our masks, so we’re gonna do our nails, have foot baths, lotion, and so forth,” The teen declares as they head over to the other sofa area with its own tv and it has the most spacious and comfortable sofa of all. They start setting up their morning spa station as the sun shines in through the window, but then Shuri claims it’s too beautiful of a sunny morning to do this inside, so they take their set outside to the comfy patio where they can watch tv and pamper themselves. 

 

“What the fuck just happened?” Steve groans. 

 

“Language,” Tony murmurs into his “world’s best dad” mug of coffee. 

 

Steve gives Tony the stink eye and sighs. “Maybe my room won’t be pink with sparkles or weird shit.”

 

Natasha swallows as she sees Steve storm off back to his room, Clint showing up beside her. “You think he’s gonna be okay after slipping on a banana peel of all things?” He asks. 

 

“Oh yeah. I bet there’s more coming we don’t know about.”

 

…

 

A shriek. 

 

“THERE’S A FUCKING  _ UNICORN  _ IN MY ROOM!”

  
  
  


Steve didn’t get over the genetically engineered unicorn for a whole week, and he lived in fear of worse. 

 

What were these two going to do next? Were they going to create a velociraptor to kill him? Kick him out of his bedroom? He had to put his foot down because no one else was and he didn’t even know why. The unicorn was gone, they couldn't dare to do worse than that...right?

 

This morning, the captain enters the room and a strange tune comes upon Friday’s speakers, Peter and Shuri looking up with the fakest suspicion in his own eyes. 

 

“Please tell me that’s not the Wii theme,” Tony whispers to himself. 

 

“Hey, Rogers, do you know da wae?” Peter smirks. 

 

Steve’s eyes squint at the spider teen. “What the fuck is the way?”

 

And then a chorus of “LANGUAGE” screams through the speakers.

 

Steve hears every single voice of every single Avenger in the compound plus Pepper, Peter, and Shuri. 

 

Steve sighs. “Fuck me.”

 

It haunts him for the rest of his days every time he slips up starting at the exact moment he sighs his swear.

 

With hesitance, Steve did actually sleep in his bed that night, and as odd as it was, nothing happened. He had a well-rested sleep, no nightmares like he had last week, thank god they weren't frequent. It was a cloudy morning that kept his room nice and dark as he got out of bed and was entering his matching-in-lighting bathroom as he felt an astoundingly terrible rush of icy water attack his skin like it was a bomb. 

 

When the water stopped and sat on the floor, the only thing Steve did was convince himself not to punch the mirror and cleaned himself of the water, making up for it with a hot shower. 

 

With caution, Steve enters the kitchen, quietly making his own food almost like a grumpy old man, which he is in all technicality. 

 

"Captain Rogers?"

 

Steve turns around from pouring milk in his cereal bowl. "Yes?"

 

Shuri hands him her tablet. "Since she didn't work out with Thor, sadly enough, I set you up with Dr. Cho. You have a date with her tomorrow night at a nice restaurant in the city. She looks forward to it," The Wakandan teen explains. 

 

Steve is clueless. "Why?"

Peter shrugs. "We thought it'd be good for you."

Shuri's face grows practically bitter. "But if you ever hurt Tony again? We can do a lot more than take your suits, disrupt your sleep, almost break your back, and make you cold. Are we clear?"

Steve nods. "Perfectly."

 

The two teens smile, almost cantering off back to the sofa to play Mario Kart, leaving Steve Rogers to never again underestimate teenagers, especially these two. 


End file.
